Update: Things are not getting better

I just come back from the gender specialist, It does not look like I have any hope to have an operation and get on with my life and leave the past behind. The past seems to be haunting the future. As what I had feared will happen is happening. I hate it that I have this precognition, it makes me feel life is not worth living. At first I think its paranoia, and my mind is being negative, and imagining things that wont happen because they are too far fetched, but when they eventually happen it is a shock, and there is no going back in time to fix and warn myself, that what I see is a real glimpse of the future. What has happened is they have collected a variety of excuses, changing my data, my medical history, and censoring it just so they can dismiss me to save money. This is my life here.. Why is fucking money important than me ? My parents covered up that they got a doctor to surgery on me a month month after I was born for 29 fucking years. Now someone is trying to cover-up this forced surgery , changing my data and blood results and saying it never happened... to save money ? to save fucking money instead of my life ? To make me live through hell until WW3 starts ? I am on the verge of killing myself... enough is enough.. being concerned about my cat is what made me not do it today... I hate living on this planet

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AliceMako 2016-02-11 21:59:13

There is no exit nor does death offer any kind of release.

If it's not worth living then your struggle has been entirely meaningless, surely those are all unworthy thoughts.

The battle has taken it's toll so you will need some time to recover and i for one am grateful you have a cat in your existance, just goes to show how good they are for our general wellbeing.

I'm so sorry you haven't been able to emerge victorious from this ordeal yet and i sincerely hope that you do not give up as you have every right to one day feel happy and complete.

zanaelf 2016-02-11 21:59:13

Thanks , i hope this gets done and over with, so I can get on with my life focusing on other things.

Rudy17 2016-02-13 23:25:52

Studies do show owning a pet (especially a dog) can make you live longer. But in all seriousness, DONT kill your self JUST yet. The world is a hard place sometimes, you'll get used to it eventually, and besides, there are plenty of good things out there, watch your favorite movie, listen to happy music, talk to a friend, loved one, or cat. Do medication, but find someway to relax and calm down. NOTHING in life is worth commiting suicide for, so find some joy in life, and if all else fails, move to America(you're in the UK right?) at least here it's a free country. So find some joy and live a little.

zanaelf 2016-02-13 23:25:52

My cat is my best friend. Well I don't think America is all that free as well, especially when there is a website that has your name, location, work, and links to all your online social stuff... I wished i did nt live on this planet at all. No country is really free, just only the grass is greener in different places compared to other countries.

Rudy17 2016-02-15 01:39:39

I say F*** them! No one can decide who you want to be except you! They can't force you to conform! Be a wild card.
P.S. I wish I could live in space/Da moon too, but it's not possible. Theoretically you could move to Antarctica, but you'd probably freeze. Hey, at least there aren't any government turds trying to sue you! Or Iceland, they're nice there.