Update, and need help

Hello there, well I have not posted in a while, I did, but I deleted it encase it attracted unwanted attention. Well the update is, I have been playing Warframe, which is why frequency in creating art has declined a bit, and I have two of my paintings in an exhibition on the go at the Oriental Museum.., will be checking on monday on the paintings if they are sold or not, I really hope they are, . Yes I had to use credit card to get a new computer which was a Macbook Pro. Small, light and powerfull, so I would not kill my back carrying it from home to the studio and back.

I have started a new painting, based on my recent digital 3D manipulation.

Well , how I am feeling and keeping ? Not well at all, the help I have been relying on has left me in the shit again, which is why I have been staying away from community websites , since what happened to me years ago. Nothing seems to be happening with my medical gender issues, and its gone worse or on hold because of political -economic reasons, if it continues... i don't want to think about it.

The doomsday clock set by the board of atomic scientists is now 3 minutes to midnight, something I feared and sensed in dreams would happen, has happened. What see in my dreams in the not to near future has left me with insomnia. This why I enjoy the game of Warframe, keeps my mind off it. I am finding it more difficult to concentrate on my artwork again and I feel I am heading downhill again. This why I been staying away from sites like deviant art encase I say something dumb and stupid , and I have a whole 2011 thing all over again.

Things have changed , and I am asking for help and advice on this issue, this is the changes to sick and disability benefit as Serco, Capita and G4S take over public sector of the UK government.

The problem is the council tax. Everyone has to pay council tax, and we are told its for the infrastructure, the hospitals, fire stations, schools etc etc. I am fine with that. Thats how it used to be, and anyone who is on a benefit, this all happened in the background.

Now we have to pay CAPITA for council tax, an industrial military corporation. I consciously object paying to a company that funds war, funds the manufacturing of weapons, and funds military, invasion and nuclear war.

The thing is I have enquired to pay council tax directly to council so that it would go to the fire station, schools, infrastructure of the city. So far no joy, all channels seem to deposit people's payment;s into CAPITA, and the thing is later on they would threaten to take me to court. I have decided if they take me to court, and do not realize and negotiate that I consciously object to paying the council tax through CAPITA , I will slit my wrists in court in protest, to symbolise the pain and suffering that CAPITA is creating on the expense of people's money, on the expense that people have been lied to, and on the expense that people have been made ignorant of the atrocities of war CAPITA funded in the past , the present and the thermo nuclear war of the future if it should happen. If it does happen, I would rather have a clear conscious that I did not fund and support the extinction and annihilation of humanity, when this planet gets torn apart by multiple nuclear explosions of bombs aggravating the more hazardous explosions of nuclear power stations into an asteroid belt that would lie between Venus and Mars.

On the good news side of things, I would be going to a meeting in April, focusing on the Extraterrestrial Embassy, because it is getting more and more important that it should be built for the sake of humanity and all life on this planet. That there is a future for us, our children, a future of love, peace , prosperity, exploration , and creativity. Saying this makes me so emotional... because I want there to be a future , and when the extraterrestrials land officially and publicly , the doomsday clock be a thing of the past.

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AliceMako 2015-03-14 02:11:17

Are you lucid often in dreamtime though?

I think you'll find that the overwhelming majority of actual prescient dreams tend to feature the dreamer in very mundane circumstances living through equally mundane events, unless of course one lives a fascinatingly exciting every day life.

Dreams of a more typical nature in which one does not consciously participate merely pose reflections of what captivates one's mind during waking life and the focus tends to be emotional, one's fears one's joys etc.

If you choose to fill your consciousness with bleak imaginings of the future and apocalyptic scenarios such as that game you reference, it should be no surprise your subconscious reflects said material as striking as only one's private holodeck can.

Also bear in mind that the doomsday clock is symbolic, it is not a functional indication of the overall state of the planet let alone what, if anything, will become of humanity as a whole. It's a fairly common thing for people to redirect any if not all the fear of their own inevitable demise by projecting it upon all the world instead and i'd suggest such is the underlying motivation behind said "clock".

zanaelf 2015-03-14 02:11:17 (Updated 2015-03-14 09:52:47)

Well i don't understand the concept of lucid, however I would prefer to identify that if my dreams are not always like mind constructed movies, as being adventurous etc, but focused on a possible future , they are precognitions calculated from what data the brain had received from the past, the present to simulate the future. The thing is dreaming of something, turning the TV on or seeing a newsreel or news article on the webs day later, a week later, a year later or even a couple of years later happening IRL is disturbing and traumatises me. Since I would rather it be fiction than reality.

The game is a distraction from getting data and news from media, and news and i found it to help, where I start dreaming about other things which includes flying around the solar system, which happens in the game. But however it seems that my mind is focused or designed in some way to accumulate data of current afters and planet issues to simulate and estimate a possible future. I have noted to be in connection with the hypothetical doomsday clock. In 1991 i had less nightmares when the clock was only 17 minutes to midnight. When I was 4 years old I had dreams of fire and mushroom clouds in year 1984, and was unaware of of the hypothetical clock, since I was just a kid, but somehow i could sense things, perhaps the images that was on the television in the hight of the cold war.

The thing is the doomsday clock is a perception calculated on events and the probability measured in minutes to midnight. Probability is understandable that it is not definite, but possible, and can change on circumstances and changes when and if things get done.

AliceMako 2015-03-14 14:13:33

Lucid as in fully aware that one is dreaming, waking life level of ego and your wits still about you inspite of the scenery or events being generated.

I asked because my own experience is that those particular dreams tend to stand out as being the most relevant over time even if they're much too fantastic to be literal, emphasis on the ones where one is spontaneously aware and not training to be in that state cus people typically go flying or having sex with celebrities and such when they're forcing it.

My first was back in 1986, a bizarre living room scene where me and all my family members were lined up as four persons in futuristic garb with face obscuring helmets entered the room and opened fire with short, stubby looking machine guns which in hindsight i know for a fact did not exist at the time.

Imagine the flashback i had when some 20 odd years later i stood for the first time face to face with what as an adult i know is riot police in their ah, rather particular looking uniform and equipment :D ( much to my consternation and distress at the time though as you can imagine nothing dramatic actually took place )

I've chosen love over fear though, after reflecting on it, even adopted some of the look as my own for my stage persona.

Anyway, i suffer from recurring nightmares too though perhaps that's a bit strong, they can be exhilerating or even insightful on rare occassions. I'm allways curious how other people live through it and how they integrate the experience, personally the scenes of all out war and mass suffering are something of the past decade to me and i agree with you the overexposure and the fear mongering going on these days surely plays a part in it.