I live in UK and suffer from PTSD from abusive childhood and a rape experience. I have a broken back,from attempted suicide and recently live on ESA and PIP from the DWP in UK. I am in the process of getting gender surgery done, as I am Intersexed, and parents a month after was was forced into the gender what they wanted me to be. In order to get surgery done I needed be mentally stable, and was hoping to start off with surgery next year once I have met health objectives and requirements to qualify for surgery like focusing on quitting smoking etc, so the surgery can be successful. The surgeon mentioned that I have a few complications because of the small amount of tissue I have remaining down there, as well as the risks I have with a broken back, which issues could arise because of the broken back. I had been planning to focus on this, before anything else, requires a lot of thinking and planning, and the surgery in itself is a big thing because of the possibilities of things going wrong.
I have PTSD from past traumas of attempted suicides of my parent's religious beliefs in refusing to accept me as the gender I feel I am, being stabbed and almost bled to death for a mobile phone in South Africa, raped by someone who turned out to be a serial killer.
The DWP jumped to soon while I am in the middle of this medical process, forced me to do a fit-for-work assessment. Still on ESA, but they changed the ESA from Support Group to Work related Activity group, where you are forced to do things, like answering the phone, doing interviews, or being forced to work with group of people you don't know. If you fail, they sanction you until you end up being forced homeless, or driven to suicide, something which i have done before. Monday I receive a call from them. I am afraid that I might miss the call when passed out, or I get the call and the way they talk to me would cause me to self harm or try suicide again.
The DWP have been sending spies and stuff to harass me including pretending to be an extraterrestrial friend, so they can gather information, and use it to attack me. This has seriously effected my mental health, that I stay away from people.
Last week when I had been traumatised from the spying and ET friend impersonator on twitter, I was called to be examined by a GP by the DWP. I never seen this doctor before at the practice. A week later today I made an appointment with my actual GP. Arrived and found this GP there, as i was wanting to equire about my injections and also make an appointment to see a psychologist to get professional help. I broke down in corridor at the practice, and asked where my actual GP is, the one that regularly does my checkups, blood tests, and injections. They say he no longer in practice. I feel that he might be there still, and DWP forced the practice not to get help from my GP.
earlier this week, I got a letter that I need to go to another work capability assessment for my PIP, which i use for taxi fair to the Art Studio, as I cant walk the distance anymore with my broken backThey want to cut this to force me to be stuck living in my flat alone. Also the work activity groups they would force over to prevent me from going to the art studio,for slave labour.
I had to return home withe a new GP appointment with another GP whom I know has been at the practice from what I known and filled in when my original GP was on holiday leave. that is on Wednesday after the time where i get that call from DWP is on Monday.
I contacted the crisis team(suicide helpline), they suggested I contact DWP to tell them that I might pass out and miss the call, or that when they talk they could drive me to self harm or attempted suicide. I told them i cant, because I am afraid at the moment to talk to anyone from DWP i don't know. She said i must do, which caused me to fall, and lie on the ground, banging my head repeatedly on the kitchen cupboard until everything went black. My head is swollen and sore.
There is a chance that I might miss the call, from passing out and getting sanctioned, or answering the call, and the things they say might drive me to self harm again or attempt suicide. I tried to contact my GP today to set up appointment for psychologist. The GP not there anymore they say, I came home with no psychologist appointment and the fear of this doctor who did a DWP examination on me to give me injections.
I have no professional help, i know I would do it when they drive me to it, and i wont be able to stop myself.