The internet has changed a lot since I last made my first connection and said "Hello World".
I first connected to the internet in 1998, when I used to live in South Africa and started making friends around my interest in a singer called Dana International who one the Eurovision in 1998. The Internet back then was more open minded and friendly, and having net pals was a great escape for me, when I used to be Isolated because of being different. Meeting people on mailing lists around the topic of interest and making friends, evolved to into forum based interactions, which then lead to instant messageng. ICQ was one of the first apps, where in those days apps were called programs. Moved from ICQ to AOL, then Yahoo messenger to MSN messenger. I had quite a few pen and net freinds more than what I have today.

During the instant messaging days at the start of the new millennium while I was student at university, I joined Deviantart which was just starting off to be the art site like it is today, but it was more forum based in function and appearance. 

Then Facebook made its appearance, it was quite different from what it is today. It was more of a site to send someone wishes and virtual gifts of useless collectables which had sentimental value. Much of my friends migrated to Facebook, including myself. I did what i had done ..

Then things changed , Facebook became a pile of  retarded policy based pile of 1984 big brotherish tripe, which seemed to have an influence on a lot of websites including deviant art. Now Facebook has designed the trends of GUI appearance for operating systems (FLAT DESIGN), and web design as well as policees and the big brothersih hive mind set on content.

Being a natural maverick , because of the way i as born and having otherworldly experiences in my existence , and expressing myself in ideas and feelings that are unusual and alien to the norm in my artwork and creativity even to this present day. The very reason why I first went on the internet was to escape intimation and simple minded people who had a very narrow minded perspective of life, the universe and everything, seemed have invaded my "safe space" which was the internet. 

Things changed, people changed. i never changed, its just that I cant freely express myself and be myself where ever I go and have been forced to split myself on what I can and what I cannot share  with the enforcement of punishment. The very freedom that the internet gave me slowly deminished and became the very narrow minded , hard, non-understandng ,a freedom-less place, that I had had escaped from in IRL, where I was around people and acquaintnces who had antiquated , conservative, religious narrow minded views about life, the universe and everything. Where they would look at my art, and freak out at the boobies and naked shiny bodies and think I am sex offender of some sort. Not realising that I am an artist and this is how I express myself, especially in a way that gives me comfort and relief from the fact that I would never in my life meet up with people who would be like minded and be intimate with. It was a way to express these feelings out. On top of it all , since being born intersexed, and then later in life discover that I had been born intersexed, and then given an apology from my parents about what they had done in my late 20s, which lead me to have a brake down, and cause drama with a few of my friends I knew here on this website, which caused a series of events which lead to further isolation from people, as well loosing my character...

The internet today is bigger and more lonely than it ever was once before, because of Facebook, and the influence it has on online social life and perceptions. One would think the opposite would have happened. Seriously what is the NSFW crap ? I don't get it , because it is my work and it is what makes me feel safe as an individual away from narrow minded idiots, and conservative viewpoints...

All the people I had made friends with in the past from the days of joining Dana International Mailing lists to ICQ, AOL, Yahoo Messanger, web forums, MSN Messenger  are gone and forever lost because of Facebook.  I left Facebook because of the regular threats and punishments for just being myself by sharing my artistic expressions for my friends. You would think if friends wished to keep in touch they would keep in touch in other mediums, such as twitter, tumblr, google+ and so on... nope... they found themselves stuck on Facebook, and because I am not on Facebook anymore... its out of sight , out of mind.  I just remembered a friend the other day , she likes Apple computers, and I had windows back in the day... maybe I would add her with FaceTime , and perhaps play an OSX game... nope nothing, she probably does not use that email anymore, and is pst definitely still on Facebook. in the puritan hive mind. Well she is a full on musician in an orchestra , she does not get penalised like I do for visual art...

Fuck you Zuckerberg, you ruined my online social life..., especially now when the UK has gone like the days when I was trapped in South Africa , and locked in a bedroom.  I am now locked in my flat hoping that some crazy drunk does not kick the door in because he/she wishes to use me as an emotional punch bag because they got kicked of the dole , on the basis that I stand out in appearance. It feels like I am back in South Africa. Looking at South Africa now... Eish ... that could be what the UK be like in the next 10 years if the Tories are still in.

Life is shit ... I am being probed and procrastinated with and don't know when I would get my operation... No longer it is my parents , its now government. History is repeating itself... and wishing to go to another country has become wishing to go to another planet.

I am so depressed i feel like killing myself .. 

I just don't do art in the form of images and sculpture. I also compose and create music. Recently I use Logic and Ignite with my MIDI controllers , an Oxygen 49 keyboard and a roll up silicone keyboard which I can carry in a bag.

I upload my music to Sound Cloud , on Tumblr, Starseeds.net ( I used to as well on think atheist, but they focuses the site more on debating and stuff), and as you can see in the link on every journal entry called Music Library , I upload music there on New grounds. Somehow users cant download my tracks anymore. I offer free downloads and playback strewing on Sound Cloud. I find uploading my stuff to Apple Music confusing , and vague and not simple like sound cloud. 

Here is where the shit hits the fucking fan for me, and anyone who is a new musician , or a casual musician , who normally does work or other forms of art as their primary skill. Sound Cloud wants to introduce $9.99 subscription bullshit. This is going to fuck any free/new/casual artist in the fucking arse. I have seen this happen with websites that were once free and become bogged down with the money disease like deviant art or youtube as an example. Those that pay into the service will get exposure. and those who don't somehow get downtrodden and hidden from exposure to develop a fan base for anyone who may like or enjoy your style of music. 

I hate it when capitalism fucking ruins and hides good art from exposure... This also happens with paintings, and how modern splish splash bullshit paintings are in the spotlight more often than skilled art... such as the poo poo platter  "Mark Rothko's 'No. 10' sells for $82 million in NY"..

Just found a new website like sound cloud, seems to have better features and used to be like what Soundcloud more or less had, before it decided to be the next spotify competitor. https://www.orfium.com/profile/zanaelf/ I would be uploading new music there now.

Well as you see how shit things are becoming on this planet, I thought I would get this done and over with, something that will help people think on what they are doing. I was happy that WW3 was averted this year three weeks ago, but the nightmare is still knocking at the door, while the doomsday clock still hangs at 3 minutes to midnight. I am also hoping that this painting would also put my re-occuring precognition nightmares to bed, so I can enjoy the remaining years of my life. The NHS has not been supportive as well, delaying my surgery with excuses as people have valued money more than my life and wellbeing, and the people I rely on for help, have been giving me similar denial of help and treatment that I had experienced when I lived in South Africa. I really want to leave this planet, because I am afraid what is going to happen, if things do not change for the better.

The artwork is going to be similar to my "No More War" image, but with a lot more detail in the background focusing on a possible future, if all shit goes wrong, and nuclear weapons have been used. Hoping the message of "No More War" is emphasised stronger , with consequences of the stupidity of war being reflected in the background. As you can see tensions are really getting stupid, North Korea wants to bomb the USA, the USA want to bomb North Korea, the nuclear Missiles are stored in Okinawa US bases against the will of the Japanese people, Then the whole thing with Russia VS USA on how to deal with the big baby the CIA created called ISIS. Thats not all, then recently about Iran and the US, and its wishes to want to bomb Israel. Then there is China as well. Then the possibility of civil war in South Africa, because of the tensions between Russia(BRICS) and USA, where local political shit is stirred by the CIA from the USA, which poverty and racism are being used as a catalyst. Then there there is the MH370 flight issue which may lead to evidence that USA shot down the plane with an energy weapon, but this information is oppressed and censored with life threats to the locals who witnessed events in the Indian Ocean, such as the Maldives. including German Wings. So basically shit is building up, and I feel I need to do another artwork tell tell people to stop the warshit. I just have nightmares when I see the US president Trump on the opposite end of the room with Kim Jong-un..

I simply do not use one operating system, even device and one program to get what I need to done. I wish there was an art painting program, that is multi platform , which is made to run on OSX, Windows, Linux, iOS and Android with the same features, functions and tools.

When I start a digital painting piece, wether it turns out to be more mangerish or a digital painting, depending on the flow of things, and what I wish to express. I normally start sketching. First I search for references of poses from photographs from random pictures from searching, or if that is a hassle I pull out a traditional drawing mannequin , or load a virtual 3D mannequin , in a poser software like app on my iPad, such as Pose tool, Manga Pose Tool (http://www.alienthink.com/pose-tool-3d/) ArtPose FE 
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Or even use Poser http://my.smithmicro.com/poser-3d-animation-software.html, which I do for my 3D scenes, which I now use to create entire 3D scenes as references for oil paintings, which in the past, the 3D work was my completed art, and now they are only references for my oil paintings. Before I used these apps on my tablet, I used the built-in 3D manaequins in Manga studio http://my.smithmicro.com/manga-studio-comic-illustration-software.html, or my traditional wooden one. Manga studio has a good pencil sketching tool, something which Photoshop does not have. I have tried to download brushes that would compensate, but does not have the good feel , and pressure sensitivity as the pencil stool in Manga studio, where you can do light, to hard strokes, as if sketching on paper in real life. Corel Painter http://www.painterartist.com/us/product/paint-program/, which I recently got, also has a good sketching pencil tool. Sketchbook (https://www.sketchbook.com/?locale=en), on the other hand, has a pencil tool, and it suffices with sketching as well on the computer and on the iPad. The stylus I have for the iPad is a Wacom intuos creative stylus. The problem with Sketchbook on the iPad, is it is restricted with drawing page resolutions. I always work on A3 size dimensions for better quality and detail, and if I should print it out it would look natural and less blurry and pixelated. If I were to sketch on my iPad first, it is OK, because I can always enlarge it to A3 size on my Mac. But if I sketch on my mac, and work to paint in Sketchbook on the iPad, I would get an error message stating that the artwork is too large, so Sketchbook is out as being a multi platform thing, and would use it to sketch on the iPad, to export to the Mac once only, or do a complete piece on the iPad. ArtStudio https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/artstudio-for-ipad-draw-sketch/id364017607?mt=8 is like the Photoshop for the iPad. has a terrible sketch pencil, but decent painting brushes, but can only import , and exporting is done through iTunes/email, so your stuffed if you have no internet. Then there is Medibang Paint (http://medibangpaint.com/en/) Completely multi platform, and a developing software that is like Manga Studio and free. Its sketch pencil tool sucks and is best in doing painting. Unfortunately Manga Studio is more efficient in doing line art, since the pen tool has a jitter-hand correcting settings, that makes lines neater and more precise. So Medibang would be best used for basic colouring in and painting on both platforms. If work is done on the iPad only sketches are best done first with Sketchbook , and the final work done in Medibang. The only problem is it does not seem to work well with my Stylus , with pressure sensitivity, as well as Sketchbook Medibang exports and saves are done in its own format as .mdp files, and exports to its own cloud service and storage to allow transfer between devices. If you have no internet connection, your stuffed, because it does not alliteratively save as .psd which can be imported and used. ArtStudio saves files in .art format. It also has the problem with not registering the pressure sensitivity of my stylus. Medibang paint also has an online social network site like deviant art, but in more of a google+/facebook/twitter style where you can upload final works from your tablet, or computer , or medibang cloud saves to published work, as well as it has its own ebook app to download and read the comic books and manga people created including your own. At the moment Medibang paint is not an alternative to manga studio yet, perhaps when the program evolves it may be in the future, and would be better with its extra bells and whistles of cloud storage, social networking and pulsing and selling of art and comics/manga. There is no manga studio for the tablet which is unfortunate. 

When painting/clouring in and lineart I use Astropad http://astropad.com , which turns the iPad into a graphics tablet, where you can move around, like colouring on paper and visually see what you doing on the screen of the computer and the tablet. 

So I mostly do my colouring in and tones and painting in Manga Studio on the Mac. 

Once I have pose to work from, I mostly sketch in Manga Studio, using the Wacom Bamboo tablet (the older 2010 design)(CTH470)

Touching up work is essential after you have painted , touching up work does simple fixes such as effects to even fix proportion errors without having to scrap or redo the work. Touch ups, even can enhance colours and light tones. This is where Photoshop https://www.adobe.com/products/photoshop.html comes in, but the only problem is is its Liquify tool, which does the job but is tedious and irritating when working with layers. I have to go into windows and use corel photo paint http://www.corel.com/us/, which is an alternative to Photoshop, and its warp brush does the work, without getting confused with the layers. It also has some quick apply effects that take less steps as if you used photoshop, such as focal effects, that saves time and effort. I use my Wacom bamboo tablet for that, since Astropad only works on OSX.

Backgrounds can be painted in any program and exported in jpg format and imported into various programs , and can be moved around with iFile http://cydia.saurik.com/package/eu.heinelt.ifile/ or Photos app, if you had done them on tablet first, or you can do them on the computer. Some effects can be rendered such as space nebulas, warp fractals, slip streams and stars in native or vmware windows , and also works with wine in mac , using Apophysis http://www.apophysis.org. 


So basically there is no stand alone program that does all of this on Mac and on iPad, I wish there was. 

I just come back from the gender specialist, It does not look like I have any hope to have an operation and get on with my life and leave the past behind. The past seems to be haunting the future. As what I had feared will happen is happening. I hate it that I have this precognition, it makes me feel life is not worth living. At first I think its paranoia, and my mind is being negative, and imagining things that wont happen because they are too far fetched,  but when they eventually happen it is a shock, and there is no going back in time to fix and warn myself, that what I see is a real glimpse of the future. What has happened is they have collected a variety of excuses, changing my data, my medical history, and censoring it just so they can dismiss me to save money. This is my life here.. Why is fucking money important than me ? My parents covered up that they got a doctor to surgery on me a month month after I was born for 29 fucking years. Now someone is trying to cover-up this forced surgery , changing my data and blood results and saying it never happened... to save money ? to save fucking money instead of my life ? To make me live through hell until WW3 starts ? I am on the verge of killing myself... enough is enough.. being concerned about my cat is what made me not do it today... I hate living on this planet

I have just received a report from my gender specialist, and it is not good and she has misinterpreted me and got things wrong and made assumptions about me , in her perception that she believes that I "believe" in the existence of extraterrestrials forgetting that I strongly emphasised the difference between belief, understanding and knowing, where i had clearly emphasised I know and understand that life exists beyond this planet and I have interacted with people that live in other solar systems, personally with reference to Anananiah(star mother) , the foot print casts that got lost/ or destroyed by my parents, and my video and photo footage. 

She is using this information against me, to delay me from getting surgery done in regards to my gender issues of being intersexed. Using this information against me to diagnose me as having a personality disorder and psychosis so the NHS got throw me on the trash heap to save money with the funding cuts of the government, and making assumptions I am mentally unfit to have surgery. She has also excluded what I had mentioned about being born with both genders and the reaction of my parents to this and how they had kept it secret from me, and told it was true at the end of 2011, and they apologised. This had never been put in the medical report !

The report also never mentions about my blood tests having to be resubmitted because the samples had been stolen and my medical records that been hacked..
I feel I have been set up...again..
I don't know what to do, I don't even trust this doc anymore.
 

I am so annoyed and frustrated with this paying for plastic bags when I have to do the groceries. It is nothing but a mechanism to make people more into cash cows in a form of “bag tax” to extract money from people to fund a more sinister issue, where the money is collected by CAPITA and the majority goes to so called outsourcing companies part of the industrial military complex such as SERCO, G4S, and weapons manufacturers to fund war like the council tax. They lie to people that they use the funds to solve environmental issues, where some of the funds may be used to support the fracking industry, because the free mason pig molester, pedophile David Cameron and his buddies are focusing on fossil fuels and not renewable energies , and alternative energies such as the confiscated flying disk technology the Germans were  developing at the end of WW2. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iumhW7kAu0

Its all about money, and the more reason why money is such a disease to society as it has been set first preference over the lives of people and the ecology of the planet. Like this bag tax, the carbon tax is the same thing using an environmental disaster to make profit and fund the industrial military complex. They know about better technology besides the known wind, solar etc renewable energy sources, such as  zeropoint, electromagnetic, fusion reactors or hydrogen protons. The strange thing is with nuclear fusion , the only thing that has been successful is a fucking bomb, instead of an energy source. It just shows you how primitive people are still are especially the bureaucratic  politicians and money whore bankers who are freemasons are, and they are killing the planet.

Anyway like I said, if anyone of these fucknuts makes my life more difficult and hard, the more the shit would bounce back and expose there idiocracy. 

First of all I feel I am punished with the 5p charge , when I actually had reused/recycled my plastic bags as bin bags to dispose of rubbish waste from groceries and cat litter , cat shit and pee. Now what I would have to do buy bin bags they sell at a store ? How the fuck would this reduce my plastic waste as an individual ? It would be the same amount weather I reuse shopping bags or when I use the on the shelf bin bags. No reduction of plastic waste as a n individual. Why should I be punished by the fucknuts that call themselves government , when I have been having consideration for the environment as an individual , on the negligence of the environment by others ? I never litter, but I have seen many people on the street litter, dump their litter out of their vehicles on the roadside. The thing is South Africa introduced this bag tax a decade ago, and they still have a plastic bag problem, that is harming the wildlife. Charging people for the bags is stupid and nothing but a money making pyurimid scheme to be pocket money for politicians and fund the industrial military complex. Anyone who does not comply would simply be arrested and charged by court most likely fines, cautions , and if repeated the threat of prison, which is stupid.

If the idiots of politicians, bureaucratic wankers, and bankers behind this were concerned with the environment besides tackeling the climate change pollution by fossil fuels by releasing suppressed technologies , and the use of alternative renewable energies, but the plastic pollution problem, they would making it mandatory for shops to supply free biodegradable plastic bags, and use worms and bacteria to eat the existing plastic pollution issue.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yXTf2oElsY

http://www.fondriest.com/news/discovery-plastic-eating-bacteria-may-speed-waste-reduction.htm

http://www.sciencealert.com/scientists-find-worms-can-safely-eat-the-plastic-in-our-garbage

https://news.stanford.edu/pr/2015/pr-worms-digest-plastics-092915.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biodegradable_bag

I feel I have to brake this bag tax law, create a scene just to voice my opinion, but my worries are is how mind bogged and stupid are people to see and hear what I am trying to say from what I have experienced in the past with past experiences with violent, stupid and primitive people who would not react directly and think about things but roll out mindlessly some bureaucratic legal action shit with kangaroo courts ? I amn so angry and pissed off with this issue, because it does not tackle and fix the problem like biodegradable plastic, plastic eating mealworms and bacteria which would not only focus on plastic bags, but all plastic grocery waste, where recycling is not feasible enouph. 

Society needs to be guided and assisted by science, and scientists, not governed by money scams, policy makers , ethics puritans , and goat and pig fuckers(fraternity/cult turd faces). As long as earth is governed by these idiots, this planet is considered fucked.

I have injured my left eye, after fainting and landing on my hand, with my nail scratching the cornea , so i be waiting for this to heal first before doing my next art piece 

Well , looks like there is more of a delay on getting my operation for my gender issues, this time its because I opposed CAPITA, they somehow causing a lockage in my medical treatment (They have infiltrated the NHS), where they want to prescribe me on medication that would make me go blind and put on weight. Told you some shit would come from this… the more they throw shit on me, the more I toss it back at them.. It seems that it is not my mum and dad that imposed oppression on me and did not wish to understand me anymore,,,, its now the establishment -_- , fuck… seriously will this shit ever end and I just can live on with my life without this bullshit ?…  I simply will not conform… or convert , best thing is to leave me the fuck alone, CAPITA cunts !